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"I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you. I would dig a thousand more if I needed to."
Hearing the first lines of Machines halted me for a second. That was me. That was exactly me before I decided to cut ties with someone. That was me before I finally decided to save myself.
I have been fixated for almost two years with the man I thought I could have a serious relationship with. From countless conversations, music recommendations, aspirations, food trips, to late nights, I could not ask for more but to be just with him through all these. I felt, and I still do, that he is the only missing piece in my puzzle. He knows for I was vocal about it. I did not hide a single thing because I believe that he will eventually jump and finally take risks with me.
"I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines. There doesn’t seem to be any other way."
I guess everyone knows the "reward system" practiced in Psychology. That there will be a corresponding prize for every good remark. I started to look for that reward in our setup. I had doubled the effort, got creative, tried to acknowledge the importance of personal space (for a clingy person, it's quite challenging); I was trying to make him realize that things can work out despite the distance. But nothing materialized.
"I've started falling apart I’m not savoring life. I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive."
When the irreconcilable circumstances registered in my pretty much clouded mind, I did not argue anymore and lifted the white flag instead. It was the best decision after all. On the process of proving to him that this is worth it; I became selfish. I was seeing terms only in my perspective. I thought that I understood him. But in reality, I was just blinded.
Crying is not an option when something ended. It's a natural mechanism that can never be escaped. I have cried oceans for the one who was probably not thinking of me, for the one who was just probably bored, or for the one who was just kind enough to temporarily feed my desire. I have loved someone wrongly and it caused me true harm.
"Take the pieces and build them skywards. Take the pieces and build them up to the sky."
We have been silent for weeks now. I told him that blocking me is the least that he can do. I have reached my limit in finding my spot in his life. I have no plans to cross the bridge once more even if it's for a platonic one. Because if I will, I know for sure that the cycle of madness will resume at its miserable length again.
While I'm all these, I assume (tho partly sure) that he doesn't care. And I will always take that in mind for the sake of fast awakening.
Hearing the first lines of Machines halted me for a second. That was me. That was exactly me before I decided to cut ties with someone. That was me before I finally decided to save myself.
I have been fixated for almost two years with the man I thought I could have a serious relationship with. From countless conversations, music recommendations, aspirations, food trips, to late nights, I could not ask for more but to be just with him through all these. I felt, and I still do, that he is the only missing piece in my puzzle. He knows for I was vocal about it. I did not hide a single thing because I believe that he will eventually jump and finally take risks with me.
"I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines. There doesn’t seem to be any other way."
I guess everyone knows the "reward system" practiced in Psychology. That there will be a corresponding prize for every good remark. I started to look for that reward in our setup. I had doubled the effort, got creative, tried to acknowledge the importance of personal space (for a clingy person, it's quite challenging); I was trying to make him realize that things can work out despite the distance. But nothing materialized.
"I've started falling apart I’m not savoring life. I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive."
When the irreconcilable circumstances registered in my pretty much clouded mind, I did not argue anymore and lifted the white flag instead. It was the best decision after all. On the process of proving to him that this is worth it; I became selfish. I was seeing terms only in my perspective. I thought that I understood him. But in reality, I was just blinded.
Crying is not an option when something ended. It's a natural mechanism that can never be escaped. I have cried oceans for the one who was probably not thinking of me, for the one who was just probably bored, or for the one who was just kind enough to temporarily feed my desire. I have loved someone wrongly and it caused me true harm.
"Take the pieces and build them skywards. Take the pieces and build them up to the sky."
We have been silent for weeks now. I told him that blocking me is the least that he can do. I have reached my limit in finding my spot in his life. I have no plans to cross the bridge once more even if it's for a platonic one. Because if I will, I know for sure that the cycle of madness will resume at its miserable length again.
While I'm all these, I assume (tho partly sure) that he doesn't care. And I will always take that in mind for the sake of fast awakening.
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